


This Is My Body and Soul Here

by cozywilde



Series: Flight Rising [21]
Category: Flight Rising
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Developing Relationship, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29548950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cozywilde/pseuds/cozywilde
Summary: The progression of Muroc and Vaikaya's relationship, told through snippets and songs.
Relationships: Muroc/Vaikaya
Series: Flight Rising [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1097709





	This Is My Body and Soul Here

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for dubious consent and emotional manipulation due to magical compulsion. 
> 
> [Vaikaya](https://toyhou.se/3418572.vaikaya)   
>  [Muroc](https://toyhou.se/3251926.muroc)

[ **_1\. you’ll always be my only guiding light_ ** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHsEwQvnGOE)

“Come on, Kaya,” Muroc says, his grin bright in the shadows. He beckons from beneath the spreading limbs of the biggest tree in the gardens, its gnarled limbs seeming to bend low under their own weight. Even on a typically bright and sunny day in Shi’Kahr, it manages to look a little ominous.

Nervous, Vaikaya glances around them, as if to find someone who will back up his fears. “I dunno, Muroc…” 

Muroc steps back towards his friend, taking Vaikaya’s hands in his. “You trust me, right?” His golden eyes are huge and solemn, and Vaikaya’s breath steadies. 

“Yeah, of course. You’re my best friend,” Vaikaya says. Muroc smiles, and Vaikaya has to smile back. 

“Okay, good. Then you know I’ll take care of you, no matter what?” 

Vaikaya’s slight hesitation makes Muroc’s eyes radiate sadness, and he’s quick to stutter out “O-of course! It’s just… I don’t like the dark.” 

“Oh, is that all?” Muroc’s right back to his cheerful self, and he squeezes Vaikaya’s fingers between his own. “I can make it light - watch this.” He lets go of one of Vaikaya’s hands, holding his own out palm-up. Squinting with effort, he concentrates, and then there’s a burst of golden light that resolves into a little ball, floating above his hand. 

“Oh, wow,” Vaikaya breathes, his eyes wide. He reaches out, hand stopping just above the little ball, and watches its gleaming brightness play off of his skin. “Muroc, that’s beautiful.” 

“Isn’t it?” Muroc beams, then with a little jerk of his hand, sets the ball floating just above their heads. Vaikaya’s eyes follow it, entranced. “So, are we all good now?” He tugs at Vaikaya’s hand, pulling him back towards the tree. “I just wanted a place we could have all to ourselves, for playing and talking when we don’t wanna hang around all the other hatchlings… doesn’t that sound nice?” 

Blinking away the afterimage of the ball, Vaikaya focuses back on Muroc. His eyes are the same color, a lovely shimmering gold. Hearing him describe a hideaway just for them, he can’t think of anything better. “Of course, Muroc. Whatever you want.” 

“Good.” Muroc’s voice is deeply satisfied, and this time when he leads Vaikaya into the twisting roots of the tree, he doesn’t hesitate to follow.

[ _**2\. another kiss and you’ll be mine** _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uS7vpGkro3U)

Vaikaya sits on the roots of the huge old tree, swinging his feet beneath him. He and Muroc are too big now to crawl into the little passages they used to hide in, but he still finds himself drawn back here. Especially when he’s thinking of Muroc. 

Leaning back against the trunk, Vaikaya sighs. Muroc has been strange and moody lately, not wanting to spend time together like they usually do. Just a week ago he’d confided why - finally, after years of asking, Muroc’s parents had admitted why they never seemed to talk about Muroc’s sister. 

If Vaikaya thinks way back, he imagines he can recall something of her - older than them, obviously, and he felt like she was always in trouble for something. But maybe that’s just him thinking things up based on what Muroc had told him. Necromancy, dark magical experiments, _emperors -_ Vaikaya shivers just to think about it. What could make someone want to mess around with that sort of thing? 

Muroc had been furious that his parents had hidden it from him. Vaikaya wishes he could do something, to help somehow - but his own parents had assured him that what Muroc needed was time to think, and that he’d come to him if he needed something. 

Vaikaya hears footsteps, and he looks up, eyes wide. “ _Muroc!”_

His face is still lined with an odd solemnity, matched by emotions that leave a scent like bittersweet chocolate fogging Vaikaya’s senses, but Muroc’s lips twitch up into a half-smile as Vaikaya clambers down from his perch to run to him. He opens his arms automatically for Vaikaya’s hug, pressing his face into seafoam-green hair and breathing deeply. “Thought I might find you here, Kaya.” 

“Where else would I be?” Vaikaya murmurs, squeezing Muroc with every ounce of strength in his delicate arms. 

Muroc gives a low chuckle that’s music to Vaikaya’s ears, making him almost melt against his chest. “At your home? In the temple? Having a drink in the tavern? There’s a lot of places you could be, Kaya.” 

“Not when I’m thinking of you.” Vaikaya’s solemn words take Muroc aback for a moment, but his honey-sweet approval washes over him a moment later, and Vaikaya smiles, relieved at the shift in mood. 

“Thinking of me, huh?” Muroc disengages from Vaikaya’s hug, but slips an arm around his waist instead, leading him over to the base of the tree. He sits at its roots, and Vaikaya snuggles up to his side. “Or is it more like worrying about me?” 

Vaikaya’s brow creases, not liking the return of that bittersweet smell so soon. “Well…” 

Muroc smiles sadly. “No need to lie about it, Kaya, I know I’ve not been… myself lately.” He looks up at the canopy of the tree, sighing. “I just can’t stop thinking… how different am I to her, really? The same family, the same upbringing, and it sounds like she was just as precocious when it came to magic…” He turns to Vaikaya, an uncharacteristic doubt in his eyes, sour like the lemons growing in the little grove just beyond their tree. “What if I end up like her?” 

“You could _never,”_ Vaikaya says, fierce. Muroc blinks. “She sounds - just _horrible,_ like blood and fear and - and _death_ is all she wants, and I know you can hardly stand to see your mom doing a surgery, let alone do anything yourself - you could _never_ hurt someone like that.” 

“There might be other ways to hurt someone,” Muroc says, low and quiet, his gaze far away. “Sometimes I think…” His voice is almost a whisper now, and Vaikaya has to lean in close to hear. “I think I see my parents watching me. Like they’re - waiting. Waiting for me to do something horrible, just like her.” 

Vaikaya could almost cry with Muroc’s hollow sadness washing over him, and he grips his shoulder, trying to steady them both. “But you would _never._ ” Vaikaya waits until Muroc looks at him again, then continues. “I know you better than anyone, right?” 

Muroc gives that same sad half-smile. “Yes. But -”

“No buts. I _know_ you would never do something like that. And I don’t think Teknat and Inara think that either.” 

Looking at him for a long moment, Muroc’s eyes slowly lighten. “I guess… maybe I’m seeing what I expect to see.” He lets out a frustrated breath, fists clenching at his sides. “I just wish I could stop _thinking_ about this for a while.” 

Vaikaya looks at him with concern, rubbing over his shoulder and hating how defeated he sounds. “Can I do anything?” 

“Anything? What do you mean, Kaya?” 

“I mean… anything. I’d do anything for you.” 

Muroc turns to look at him again, and Vaikaya smiles encouragingly. “You would?” he murmurs, and Vaikaya delights at the spark of bright interest that enters his eyes. 

“Yes.” His answer is firm and unhesitating, his eyes locked with Muroc’s, gleaming reddish gold in the light of the setting sun. 

The air is suddenly tinged with a spicy scent, cardamom, or maybe cinnamon. “Would you… distract me for a while?” Muroc says, low and sweet. He brings a hand up to cradle Vaikaya’s face, and Vaikaya’s mouth falls open on a gasp when his thumb smoothes over his bottom lip. 

“Distract you?” Vaikaya’s mouth is dry, and he swallows. “H-how…?” 

Muroc smiles, and then he ducks his head, his lips brushing softly over Vaikaya’s. Vaikaya inhales sharply, and then sinks wholeheartedly into the kiss, his arms sliding over Muroc’s shoulders. Muroc kisses teasingly, persuasively, each coy brush of his tongue or light scrape of teeth urging Vaikaya to give himself over to the delirious pleasure of it. When he moans, high and sweet, Muroc pulls back. “Like that.” 

Breathing hard, Vaikaya nearly swoons, only Muroc’s hand quickly shifting to his back keeping him upright. “I’ve never… you’ll show me?” he asks. “I’m not… I don’t want to mess up.” 

“You could never mess up, my sweet Kaya,” Muroc laughs softly. He strokes over Vaikaya’s hair, and he melts into the touch. “You want to make me happy, don’t you?” 

“There’s nothing I want more,” Vaikaya breathes. Muroc’s thrill of delight feels like coming home. 

“Then anything you do for me will be perfect,” Muroc says, and lays him down at the foot of the tree, taking him in another deep kiss as the last light of the sun fades to darkness. 

Hours later, curled up together, naked but warm in each other’s arms, Vaikaya breaks the silence. “Muroc?” 

“Mmhmm?” Muroc presses a lazy kiss to his hair, as if he can’t stop now that he’s been given permission. Vaikaya smiles helplessly, surrounded by the warm, sweet scent of honey. 

“I love you. More than anything in the world.” 

Arms squeezing tight around him, Muroc nearly purrs. “I love you too, my darling Kaya.” 

[ _**3\. i’d be the dreadful need in the devotee that made him turn around** _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCCtiK7KlSo)

It’s a rare stormy night in Shi’Kahr, and Vaikaya wishes he’d picked any _other_ night this month to help tidy the temple. The booms of thunder are magnified with every echo through the main chamber, and he’s dropped more than one burned-out candle or incense tray, startled by the noise. He yelps and does it again at the next crash, but this time it’s different - the wide door slamming shut behind a familiar shape. 

“Muroc?” Vaikaya stops halfway in his stoop to pick up the dropped debris, frightened by the scent of something burning that heralds Muroc’s arrival as he stalks over. “Muroc, what is it?” 

“Leave that,” Muroc says dismissively, taking Vaikaya’s arm and pulling him to his feet. “I’m going now. Are you coming?” 

Vaikaya blinks, confused. “Going - going where? Muroc, I don’t understand -”

Muroc takes a deep breath. His scowl disappears, but the burning smell of his anger remains. “I’m leaving the clan, Kaya. Are you going to come with me or not?” Vaikaya’s eyes track over the bag slung over Muroc’s shoulder, wide with disbelief. 

“Leaving? Muroc, what happened? You can’t just -”

“Why not? Why stay somewhere I’m not wanted?” Muroc says, his melodic voice tinged with fury - and with hurt. 

“But you _are_ wanted _,”_ Vaikaya says, pleading for him to see reason. “I want you, Muroc -”

“Which is why I’m asking if you want to come.” Muroc’s tone brooks no arguments, but his eyes are soft with a similar plea as he takes Vaikaya’s shoulders in his hands, thumbs smoothing over his skin. “Please, Kaya. I’d miss you so terribly if we were apart. I love you. Please come with me.” 

Vaikaya’s eyes well up with tears. “Muroc, I love you, but - everything I’ve ever known is here in Shi’Kahr, my whole family almost, and yours too -”

“Vaikaya.” Muroc interrupts, and he’s tearful now too. “I’m leaving now, I _have_ to, and I can never come back. Please don’t make me lose my home and you too.” 

“Muroc…” Vaikaya wavers, lost in Muroc’s eyes, shimmering with golden light even in the darkness of the empty temple. “Where - where would we even go?” 

“We’ll find somewhere. Somewhere just for us, like our old hideaway, right? A place where we can be happy together, and nobody can hurt us.” Muroc’s hands come up to frame Vaikaya’s face, and he presses a kiss that’s filled with desperate, bittersweet longing to his lips. 

When they break away, breathing hard, Vaikaya can’t look away from Muroc. “I… I’ll come with you.” 

He’s rewarded with Muroc’s joyous smile, and he laughs as he scoops Vaikaya up and swings him in a circle. “Thank you, Kaya. You’ll make me so happy.” 

Vaikaya smiles back, brushing away the tears that had almost fallen. There’s no need to cry. Nothing matters more than making Muroc happy. 

[ _**4\. watch me make ‘em bow one by one by one** _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joYaaipAhQ8)

“We needed the help, Kaya.” 

Vaikaya nods, but doesn’t lift his head look at Muroc, staying curled up in their bed. He smells sharp irritation on the air, then hears Muroc sigh. The bed shifts as he climbs up to sit next to Vaikaya where he’s buried under the covers. 

“I know we wanted this to be just for us, but darling, we are not exactly equipped to keep ourselves happy and safe here alone. Mitrani’s already helped bolster my wards, and Zaprah is quite good with his bow, we’ll eat much better now -”

“I don’t like the way they look at you.” Vaikaya’s voice is small, and he curls himself tighter under the blankets. “Or -” he cuts himself off, squeezing his eyes shut tight. 

“Kaya, sweetie…” Muroc sighs. He plucks at the edge of the blankets, and Vaikaya can hear the cajoling smile in his voice. “Can I come in?” 

Vaikaya nods. As much as he hurts right now, Muroc has always been the one to soothe him, and he craves the arms that slip around him as Muroc shuffles under the blankets. For a few long moments, Muroc just strokes Vaikaya’s hair, letting him relax against his body. 

“What don’t you like about the way they look at me, Kaya?” 

Vaikaya frowns, tucking his face against Muroc’s chest. He doesn’t want to talk about this, but he knows that now he’s said something Muroc won’t let it go until he knows the truth. “They look at you like… they want to be yours.” 

Muroc is careful when he replies. “Is there something wrong with that?” 

“ _I_ want to be yours.” Vaikaya sniffs, clinging tighter to Muroc’s chest. 

“Oh, Kaya, my love, you are, and I’m yours too,” Muroc croons, nuzzling against the top of Vaikaya’s head. The quick reassurance helps… somewhat. Vaikaya tilts his head up to meet Muroc’s eyes, his own wide with hurt. 

“Then why do you need _them_?” 

Muroc makes a soft sound of understanding, combing his fingers through Vaikaya’s hair. “Kaya, _we_ need them. They’re our new clanmembers, you understand?” 

Vaikaya frowns. “But then, what am I -”

“We’re their leaders, Kaya,” Muroc says, his voice sweet and fervent. Vaikaya quiets, captured by the excitement in his bright eyes. “They look to me because they want direction from their King… but they know that the most important thing to their King is his Consort.” Muroc strokes along the line of Vaikaya’s jaw, tilting him up for a kiss. Vaikaya’s eyes flutter shut as he submits to it, giving himself over to the easy relief. 

He’s still the most important thing to Muroc. He can still make him happy. The others may try, but nobody can care for Muroc like he can. Nobody. 

[ _**5\. i want you to adore me, i want you to ignore me** _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2NKyMQ6RI4)

“Muroc? Muroc, where are you?” Vaikaya’s eyes are wide and afraid, darting between the shadows of the ruins as he paces delicately through long-abandoned halls. With Muroc by his side the darkness is held at bay, but when Muroc goes off somewhere without him, Vaikaya isn’t safe anymore, and neither is Muroc, what if he’s _gone -_

“In here, Kaya.” Muroc’s voice is tired, but Vaikaya’s breath shudders out with relief anyway. He follows the thread of sleepy… something? Vaikaya shakes his head. His sense doesn’t seem to work as well anymore. Muroc says he’s happy, but he can’t quite catch that sweet honey smell when he tries… but Muroc wouldn’t lie. He follows Muroc’s call, and finds him seated in a rough-crafted chair, staring out a window into the darkness of the ruins. 

“I couldn’t find you. I didn’t know if you were okay,” Vaikaya says, rushing to Muroc’s side. Muroc nods, and lets Vaikaya curl up in his lap. He snuggles as close as he can get, pressing his face into Muroc’s neck with a soft whimper of relief.

Vaikaya can feel the heavy rise and fall of Muroc’s chest beneath him. “Kaya, I was barely gone twenty minutes.” 

Blinking, Vaikaya looks up at him. “But I didn’t know where you were.” 

Muroc sighs again. “Yes, but - Kaya, don’t you ever feel like you want… you _need_ to be alone sometimes?” 

Vaikaya shudders. “No.” It’s unthinkable. To be away from Muroc at all is awful, why would he need it? 

Muroc’s emotions are still oddly muted, sluggish and tired. “Well, Kaya, I… sometimes I need to be alone.” 

“You - you want me to leave?” Vaikaya asks, and his eyes brim with tears. Breath coming quicker, he grabs at Muroc’s shirt. “Please, please don’t make me, I can be quiet, I’ll be quiet and still but _please_ don’t make me go away -”

“Shh, shh, Kaya, shh,” Muroc says, and he pets over Vaikaya’s hair, urging him back to lie against his shoulder. “No, just - hush for me now. You’re safe. I’m here.” 

Sobbing breaths slowly evening out, Vaikaya nods. He’s safe. Muroc is here. 

[ **_6\. save yourself_ ** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQR8EIS2D_w)

Vaikaya wakes, and immediately he knows something is wrong. The wind howls with a storm, the likes of which he hasn’t seen since home - since Shi’Kahr. “Muroc -” he gasps, and reaches out, and his heart quiets when he feels a familiar chest under his hand. He’s cradled in Muroc’s arms, the safest place he can be.

“Kaya,” Muroc says, and the feeling with it is odd - rotten fear, and bitter disappointment. That can’t be right. “You’re awake.” 

“Muroc, where are we?” Vaikaya asks, and when he looks around his mouth falls open, the question answered for him. Against the swirling sandstorm he sees familiar high walls, and he could almost cry for joy. “We’re home? We’re coming home?” 

Muroc swallows hard, and his eyes are watery too. Where’s his honey-sweet happiness? Vaikaya will have to go to the healers once they’re back in the city. He’s sure they can fix whatever’s wrong with his emotion sense. “Yes, I’m bringing you home.” 

Vaikaya laughs and throws his arms around Muroc’s neck. “I’m so glad! It’ll be so good to see everyone, it’s been so long.” 

“It’s been a while since I’ve heard you laugh,” Muroc murmurs, and Vaikaya feels wetness against his cheek. Startled, he pulls back. 

“Muroc, Muroc, why are you crying?” he asks wildly, sympathetic tears already pricking his eyes. “Is this… are you happy crying?” 

Muroc gives a hollow laugh. “You can’t tell? Gods, what have I…” He shakes his head, mutters something under his breath, and meets Vaikaya’s eyes. It seems to take a significant effort. “Kaya, you’re going home. But I’m not.” 

“What?” Vaikaya’s voice sounds high and tinny in his own ears. “No, you are too.”

“I’m not, Kaya.” Muroc starts striding over the sands, towards the city in the distance.

“B-but - but I - Muroc, I can’t! Not without you!” It still feels unreal, a cruel joke - but Muroc wouldn’t be cruel like that. He couldn’t. 

“That’s why,” Muroc says, and his voice breaks. “Can’t you see, Kaya, I’ve fucking _broken_ you! You have to get away from me while there’s still some of you _left!”_

“No,” Vaikaya sobs, and his fingers claw at Muroc’s shirt, curling into the fabric so he can’t be pulled away. “No, no, no no no… I’ve never, I can’t...” 

“You can, and you will,” Muroc says, and they’re _too close_ to the walls now, Vaikaya’s heart beating rabbit-fast, the city that felt like the most perfect sanctuary a moment ago now a terrible harbinger of a barren, empty future. “You’re stronger than you think, Kaya, or you wouldn’t - you wouldn’t have lasted this long.” 

They’re outside one of the gates now, and Muroc struggles to put Vaikaya down, his clinging hands refusing to let go - but Muroc has always been stronger. Vaikaya collapses to his knees, sobbing weakly. Muroc’s hand cradles his cheek, and he looks up, blinking away tears that won’t stop coming. “Goodbye, Kaya.” 

He turns away, and Vaikaya forces himself to his feet, stumbling after him. “No, Muroc, _please -!”_

“ _STAY_.” Muroc’s eyes flash, a familiar bright shimmering gold, and it’s as if Vaikaya is rooted in place. All he can do is watch as Muroc shifts, his dragon form opening its jaws to send a flare of light into the sky above, huge wings spreading wide and carrying him up after it - going, going, gone. 

Vaikaya doesn’t register the hands that touch him minutes afterward, nor the voices that grow increasingly frantic around him. Muroc isn’t there. Nothing else matters. He’s alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> Songs referenced:
> 
> Title: Bastille - _Blame_
> 
> 1\. Mumford & Sons - _Guiding Light_  
>  2\. Florence + The Machine - _Addicted to Love_  
>  3\. Hozier - _Talk_  
>  4\. Billie Eilish - _You Should See Me In a Crown_  
>  5\. IAMX - _Say Hello Melancholia_  
>  6\. My Darkest Days - _Save Yourself_


End file.
